Red Shoes

I have not always been a shoe-lover.  For most of my life, shoes were just another piece of apparel that were necessary for everyday life.  And frankly, to this day, I'd much rather be barefoot (as I am at the moment) than to be wearing shoes.  I bought shoes for comfort and practicality.  I never wore a pair of heels until Prom, and I hardly owned even one pair of heels for another full decade. 

Why?  Because I was too tall.  At least in my mind, I was too tall for high heels.  While 5'7" isn't all that tall, in junior high I grew like a weed, passing up all the girls and most of the boys in my class.  Being taller than almost everybody (for a few years) made me very self-conscious and conspicuous at a time when I would've rather blended in.  I had this sense that I was some sort of freak and figured that boys didn't and wouldn't like me because I was too tall.  So, even after my classmates grew and I didn't stick out so much, I still wore my flats and slouched a bit to seem shorter, all the way through high school, college, and seminary.

I regret the time I wasted, feeling like my height was something to apologize for.  I spent a lot of time hiding, rather than being and becoming the person I wanted to be.  I finally learned to appreciate my height in my mid-20s, partially after marrying a man who I'd never tower over, no matter what shoes I wore.  And one day I saw a pair of scarlet-red satin heels (now known as my ruby slippers) and said, "I don't care who I tower over.  I want to wear those shoes."  And so it began.

I loved how I felt when I wore those shoes.  I finally felt like I was embracing the person I've been all along, and not being afraid of letting people see me.  Now, I own at least 3 pairs of red heels, and many other heels.  My shoes have become one way that I express my style and my personality, which isn't always easy when wearing a drab clergy shirt and robe on weekends.  I like being 5'7", and I like the added height that heels give me.  Where once, my height was embarrassing to me, now I find it empowering.  If I can teach my daughters nothing else, I hope I can teach them to love themselves for who they are, and to wear the red heels (whatever the red heels are in their lives), no matter what anybody else might think.