Maternal angst

I tend to be a pretty laid-back person.  I don't typically stress about things I have no control over.  Erik has been through many tests with his 2 bouts of cancer, and my natural philosophy for awaiting results is, "I'm not going to worry about something until I know there's something to worry about."  The words, "But what if..." don't bounce around my head very often.  My Grandma Dorr was a champion worrier.  While we climbed trees in her yard, she'd warn, "You're going to fall!  I can't even watch!"  I think we were less worried since she was a nurse, and Grandpa was a doctor.  I can still hear her famous warning, "Don't lie down with gum in your mouth!"  And if we had to drive in snow, it was better to just not even tell her, or she'd worry until she heard we got there safely. 

Before you start thinking Bob Marley supplies the soundtrack for my life ("Don't worry about a thing, cause ev'ry little thing gonna be all right..."), you should know that there are exceptions to my no-worry policy.  There are times when I'm totally susceptible to maternal angst.  This upcoming school year has rendered me a melty puddle of Mom jello.

We were expecting Scarlett to be in 4-year-old kindergarten 5 half-days a week.  But it turns out that since they offered a full-day option, almost nobody wanted half-days.  Since she was already counting on going to Sierra's school this year, in the last month, I've had to get used to the idea that she'll be in school all day, a year earlier than I was prepared for.  It's been hard.  I know she'll do fine.  I'm just not sure I will.  Other than missing her joyful energy and her quirky sayings, I think I'm facing a bit of an identity shift.  I've worked 1/2 time since we've served here, largely so I could take care of our children better.  And now they're both going to be in school time.  What am I now?  A half-time pastor and half-time bon-bon-eater?  I have plenty to fill my time, but it's going to feel odd.  I may actually miss saying, "Eat over your plate!"  What will I do without the constant plea for snacks?  I may have to watch Playhouse Disney after she goes to school, just to ease the withdrawal. 

Sierra is eager to begin 3rd grade with the same teacher and many of the same classmates she had in 2nd grade.  The main difference - her class of 18 this year includes only 4 girls.  While that sort of ratio is great if you're a girl looking for a prom date, it's not great if you're looking for a wide assortment of good girl friends.  Sierra's a bit upset.  Her best friend from last year has moved to another school, and another friend will be in a different class.  There are several great boys in her class that she likes just fine, but girls like to have girl friends at this age.  I'm worried.  Girls can be petty and cliquey, even in 3rd grade.  And when there's only 3 to choose from, there's bound to be some problems.  I just want her to have a wonderful experience in 3rd grade, but I keep imagining all the afternoons when she comes home in tears because she was excluded by the other girls, or somebody said something nasty to somebody else.  Sigh.  I know she'll have a great year, but my maternal angst is working harder than it needs to.

I wonder if Bob Marley ever wrote a song for parents to listen to during the first week of school.  Parenting sure ain't for sissies.